Brave Face
by Matenit
Summary: For some reason Yellow Diamond had imagined herself exempt from the emotions that obviously toyed and broken lesser gems. A Diamond, after all, was above all of them, so why couldn't the pain be shed?


It was difficult. No one had told her that it wouldn't be, but the constant ache in her chest never ceased to shock her. For some reason Yellow Diamond had imagined herself exempt from the emotions that obviously toyed and broken lesser gems. A Diamond, after all, was above all of them, so why couldn't the pain be shed? Pink Diamond was someone who couldn't be tossed aside so easily, and Yellow simply wouldn't allow her to be forgotten like that. But the acceptance of her death stalled her hand longer than any other decision she had ever made; the thoughts of millions dead with just a simple swipe relaxed her mind more than this. If it wasn't the same, why did it hurt all the same?

She loved Pink Diamond, they all did. Pink was strong, and brave, and beautiful. A true leader, and a mastermind. The trophies she collected piled in neglect as planet after planet came under the Diamond's eye and care. Passionate, but curious. Victorious, and proud. Her duties never escaped her, she was a true leader, a true Diamond. Her death, something thought impossible for the likes of them, shook all of them to their very core.

Yellow wasn't the only Diamond who was suddenly distraught. Blue let herself weep freely in front of troops that were only supposed to see their ruthless and brave ruler lead them to victory. For so long she had cast that shadow, merciless and feared, and seeing her brought to this level of grief only deepened her aching for her comrade. But, Yellow had more of an image to impose, especially since she was beginning to be the leader of the Diamonds. That wasn't to say that her eyes didn't prick when discussing the vengeance of Pink's death, or she was able to escape any more of the emotions that Blue had fallen victim to. Someone still had to give their people the leader they needed, and not fall to her own wants, no matter how much it hurt to fight through it. Even in private the tears refused to flow, but her voice choked all the same.

The dam couldn't hold back the flood forever. She had lasted as long as she possibly could, the war was even seeming about to turn in their favor, but that was while she was able to put it off. The emotions inside her only stormed and thickened the more she put it off, like the tears and words that she vowed to lock inside built up the pressure. Anybody knew that the cracks would soon shine through, and then where would she be? No, she couldn't let that happen, so she had one last place to turn.

Blue was predictable. In the days since her death, she had taken up caring for each of Pink's little projects and holdings. Barely even attending the Diamond's council, she became a recluse in Pink's private sanctums, adopting them as her own dwellings while keeping it exactly as Pink had left them. It was like she was trying to shadow the past, only remember and not alter any of the present she actually lived in. For all of her coping that worried Yellow, she at least knew how to grieve properly, something that not even Yellow seemed capable of.

The Zoo seemed to be a favorite of Blue's, and the time and upkeep she had poured into made it thrive just as it had in Pink's days. Surely enough, the Quartz Room proved fruitful. Blue's sniffling and sobbing was heard even through the reinforced doors, and her heaving shoulders and drawn hood as she slumped against a pillar made Yellow even more certain that she could help.

"What are you doing here, Yellow?" Her sniffling didn't mask the sound of her boots approaching. "You didn't like this place even when Pink had it."

"Well, it is rather garish. Why just keep an almost extinct species here for us to take care of, like pets?" Her voice sounded harsher than she had meant, and the stiffening reaction of Blue was a rough way to approach this matter.

"Then why be here, anyways?" Her melancholy voice, slow and monotonous, still held venom. Yellow sighed wearily, and sunk down to her knees to be able to see her face without looking down.

"Because, Blue, I'm… sad too." That at least drew her gaze up, and Yellow realized how haggard Blue had become. The bags underneath her eyes seemed to droop with imaginary weight, and her eyes seemed glassy even without the constantly pooling tears. Her skin held a pale, sickly tint, and the rest of her lurked in shadows.

"You are?" She sounded strangely shocked, as if she never could have imagined her feeling any kind of emotion. Her eyes held something else in their depths, concern, and possibly relief floating in milky pools.

"Yes." A sigh. "And I can't handle it, Blue. At least you're able to show something! I can't even cry for her, but I feel millions times that inside." Yellow reached down to grasp her hand from the thousands of folds that surround her. It felt limp and cold in her own, which held on for life. "How do you do it, Blue?"

"You think," The hand suddenly regained strength and tore from her grasp. Her voice, suddenly steely, continued as Yellow's eyes widened. "That this is lucky? That I enjoy crying and sobbing and… bawling my eyes out every day? I don't! I don't like being miserable, and I hate her being gone. But for all my suffering, at least I'm able to." The steel sharpened to a point, and she finished it with a glare that drew blood.

"I at least am still doing my job!" Yellow fought to her feet, and returned the venomous stare. "I didn't fall apart the second I felt upset, and if I had we'd both be like her right now. Because of me we're winning, and because of you our forces are being funneled into useless tasks like this one." Blue's stare fluttered downward for a moment before she was able to look back up fiercely.

"You just don't care. I loved Pink, and apparently I was the only one. You're pushing her to the side for a king of the hill battle after we've already lost too many for it to even count as a victory. Even Pink would see it's pointless, and I'm at least trying to keep her memory alive!"

"You're just too weak to let her go." She scoffed, "She would be disappointed, Blue."

"Yeah," Her stare, as hypnotic as a viper's, made her keep gazing into those eyes. "In all of us."

Yellow's mouth open, but she couldn't summon any words to hurl back at her. The piercing but murky eyes forced her to wrench her head to the side, and take a step, then another. Storming out after a fight seemed extremely childish, but reason and logic escaped her as she marched through the ornate halls Pink had been so proud of. So engulfed was she in her rage that she hadn't realized the tears that had slowly worked their way down her cheeks until they had reached her lips saltily. At least she got what she had came here for.


End file.
